im about as happy as oj after his trial
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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