It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
