You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize