too bad you live with your parents still
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
