What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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