I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My life is pants optional.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
