they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
