Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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