Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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