I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
