i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
