I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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