Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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