you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Who died my cat blue again?
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