I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
you had me at cake vodka
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
