So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
