Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize