why didn't you poke me back
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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