Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
