i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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