my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize