it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The uberlube is also flammable
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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