Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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