I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
