kristin has been a bad kristin
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
