No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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