he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
