Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
