Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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