I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
