White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I FOUND THE LEGS
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