My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
