My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
