dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
