Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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