I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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