what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
