I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
