Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
