One girl and one boy is just not enough.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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