is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
