he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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