I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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