I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
