My room smells like vodka and shame
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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