I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Randomize
