I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
