why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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