I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
