New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
