I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
