My sheets look like a crime scene.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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