I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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