I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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