This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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