could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
