Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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