My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
