ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
