Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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