Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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