she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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