Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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