So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
