Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My penis needs a shock collar
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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