he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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