hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
