I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
