i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
