yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
