john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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