I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
