you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize