you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
