Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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