the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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