If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
