my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
