Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
