The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
