chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
