Do you still have your period?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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