Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
