I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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