I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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