a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Drake has all the answers
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
