Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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