Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
