Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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