I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
