Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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