I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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