You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
