Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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