you traded sex for a burrito?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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