Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
