I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
