well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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