I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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