do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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