That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
