he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
