dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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