Yo dont text me then not text me
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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